You make it a dragon...

I've been reading so many other blogs lately. Everyone's blog is so different. I noticed that those who have been blogging for years have a maturity to their blogging style. They post a little about what is going on in their lives, but post mostly about what they are thinking about because of what is going on in their lives. Up until now, I didn't feel like 'pondering the larger questions' really had a place in my blog. My blog has really been focused on me and the actions that are my life. I don't post all the 'cool unschool' videos or other things that I find interesting in my life. I realize now that those things are part of my deschooling. The process where all my experiences help me focus on what I really want to do.

I found this song on Jessica's blog and I just loved it. It's 'Little Wonders' sung by Rob Thomas. These were my favorite lines:
let it in, let your clarity define you
in the end we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders...
... all of my regret will wash away some how
but i can not forget the way I feel right now...

Many people post and blog about how difficult it is to deschool themselves. I thought I was doing really well in that area. Turns out, when I looked a little closer, I still have a lot of deschooling left to do myself. Which brings me to today's deschooling thought of the day...

You make it a dragon that seems impossible to slay. E said this to me the other day in reference to my paperwork backlog. I've been thinking about all the things that I 'make a dragon'. Today, both the kids had 'paint a picture' on their list of things to do. This is definitely one of those activities that I make a dragon. I have to have the entire dining room empty and wiped, paper taped to the table, fabric chairs pushed away from the table, and everything set just right. What a pain. It's a chore just getting ready to paint, much less cleaning up afterwards. Well, today I vowed to slay that dragon for the sake of the kids' to do lists. I decided that I wanted to take this opportunity to set a good example for the kids, so I set up a paper to paint for me.

The kids went straight to work with little thought of what they would paint. I planned, drew a rough copy and then started painting. As I was planning, I thought about what would represent my idea of unschooling... children running, art palate, telescope, fishing, camping, musical notes, drums, rainbow swirl (joy surrounding all we do), car (traveling), Hoover Dam (this is deschooling I don't have to have a reason), cookies, hot cocoa, dice, balance scale, candy, playing cards, flowers, camera, bikes. As I was painting, I though about all the ideas in my head I want to unthink... my painting has to be perfect for me to like it; the entire room has to be clean before I can accomplish anything; I have to do the whole project at one time, no 'little here, little there'. Well, I didn't do the whole project at one time... Here is my unfinished picture.

I never thought of myself as artistic or crafty person, until I started hanging out with unschoolers. It is so much fun to just create something. The more I thought of myself as crafty, the more I realized, I have been artistic all of my life! I took art classes as a child and loved them. I took tons of art classes in high school. I love to cross stitch, sew, origami, quilt, and paint. Why didn't I think of myself as artistic? I need to unthink that thought. You don't have to be a great artist to be artistic. You just have to love it. Now, I need to find a way to convince myself that I am creative.

When we went to the unschoolers gathering in TN, I jotted down a few notes at one of the sessions. I've kept that paper on the refrigerator as a reminder to me to remember and practice the ideas I thought were important. Here they are: (I've really been into lists lately)
-Only look to your past to learn from it, don't dwell on it.
-Life is what it is... the important thing is what you are going to do about it.
-We are a mirror for our children. We need to be a still pool so they can see clearly. We need to work through our past issues to be that still pool.
-Negative thoughts do not naturally come from inside a person. They all come from outside, things people say to us.
I wish I could credit these ideas, but I didn't write down who said them. I can say it was one of the people that were in the discussion, Ren, Laura, or Cindy. Thanks to all three of you for sharing your wisdom.

I have so many more thoughts swirling around in my head, but they are going to have to wait for another post.