Helping Daddy

We spent the entire day at home today, which doesn't happen very often. So E had tons of plans to get things done. Usually, the expectation of getting a lot accomplished is the first step to disaster for the kids. They want our attention and we are busy.

Luckily, E and I started off this morning discussing the day. He had spent about an hour giving Bridget his full attention and now wanted to move on to his next task... alone. I had some things to accomplish today as well and didn't have a lot of time to play games with them either. He wanted to talk about the importance of giving the kids our attention. He was worried this day would end in disaster as usual.

At the time, Bridget was watching TV and Owen was playing video games. He said he thought they were doing that out of boredom. I explained how having them make daily 'things I could do' lists gave them options if they were bored. I explained how I knew that each of them was doing exactly what they wanted at that minute. He was still concerned and felt like I did not understand his point. So I explained to him that the most important thing is our relationship with the kids. He had things that he felt he 'needed' to get done today, when in actuality, those things were 'wants'.

I thought he had a great point about moderation. He explained that he felt we should model some work and some play. I asked him over what time frame he measured 'moderation'. He said, "Today." I explained that if you measured moderation over the week (much more like the children see it) then he should play all day today because he worked all week including some overtime. I told him that I thought moderation would naturally occur if we did what felt right and honored our children's needs first. He still had not come to a solution that made him feel right.

So I started to cite the 'thoughts we changed' list. Thought number 7, ' We can solve any problem with creativity and patience.' Then, my favorite phrase for the kids, 'We resolve any problem three ways: Come up with our own solution, forget about it, ask for help (borrow someone else's idea).' E looked at me and smiled, "Can you help me find a solution to this problem?" I gave him a knowing grin and said,"Bridget's been really anxious to use the new video recorder. I can put in a new tape and let her and Owen make videos. That will occupy them for hours." E finally relaxed. You could see it in his whole demeanor.

This seemed like a great time to share the origin of one of my inspirations to unschool. I told him I hated that he felt like home was a stressful place. I could understand why he felt that way. I was always nagging the kids to get schoolwork done. It took forever. I never had time to do things around the house. I was always begging for his help. That was not the home I wanted for us. I've found a solution for our family in unschooling. Our life is magical, peaceful, and connected. I wanted him to share that feeling.

The kids had a blast with the recorder. I would share some of their videos, but they are way too shaky. Later in the afternoon, E was giving his judgment about some food Owen was getting ready to eat. Owen responded with, "Daddy, it is not good. It is not bad. It just is." I was so proud. E immediately realized that he had made an error in judging something that didn't need to be judged.

As we were getting ready for bed, Bridget imparted E with another of our new unschooling phrases. E gave her a hug and said, "You guys sure are learning a lot from Mommy." Bridget responded with, "Yes we are. We can help you too, Daddy."