New Tools

Well, my authoritarian style was history by this morning. After I sent the kids to bed I started reading some of my email from the unschooling boards. Wouldn't you know there was a thread talking about rather unruly children and responses from the more experienced unschoolers about how they handle those situations. One post was very meaningful to me. So I decided to try to rewrite it myself and think about my kids. I wanted a statement about how I would like to think of my kids. Here it is:

I never want to think of my child as a maniac again. That would mean that I see him in a negative light and I wouldn't be able to treat him in a loving manner. I see my children as incredible, loving, imaginative, expressive, passionate, and intelligent. They are full of intense emotion, especially toward each other. They have not yet developed the tools to deal with those very intense emotions. We are all learning more every day. For now, they need to be able to express their emotions and let them out in a safe manner. My job is to help them express in a safe manner and ensure that no one or nothing is hurt in the process. Later, in a more calm emotional state, we can work together to help them develop more tools to deal with their emotions inside. When I fail to follow my ideal parenting style, I need to recognize that as a sign that I need more tools to deal with the situation.

I really felt the experience of writing this was very liberating. I could forgive myself for the past, deal with now, and have a plan for the future.